Add This

Bookmark and Share

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

DRINKING OUT OF CUPS

Drinking out of Cups...

This is what happens when your friends record you tripping and decide to animate it on youtube...  Amazing entertainment.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Untitled

"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crises maintain their neutrality." -Dante Alighieri

Thursday, November 4, 2010

TRUTHS FOR MATURE HUMANS ;)

MY ANTI-DRUG

 TRUTH.

A Typical Afternoon in West Hollywood...

For those of you who use twitter, you might want to consider following @wehodaily ...  If you live in or near the city of West Hollywood, they provide a wealth of "real-time" useful information regarding traffic, police activity, crimes in progress, areas to avoid, alternate routes, and causes of disturbances to the general public.  Also, if you're wondering why your street has suddenly been blocked off by the cops and when you should, or can, leave, if you ask them what is going on, they usually respond promptly with an answer. 
However. @wehodaily is one of my favorite "people" I follow on twitter for another reason entirely: they keep you posted on the insanity that makes us all shake our heads, laugh, and say "Only in Hollyweird...".  Here is one such example (I emailed the posts to myself and have copied the content, verbatim, below): Then, minutes later, @wehodaily is kind enough to provide anyone concerned by this 'incident' the following clarification (again, copied VERBATIM):

ONLY IN WEHO PART 1
Tweet from Weho Daily(@WehoDaily):
"Suspicious Person Reported at Fountain and Detroit - wearing a chocolate cake, and apparently not a costume. sounds like a transient"
November 4, 2010 5:29:53 PM 
from TweetDeck
Then, minutes later, @wehodaily is kind enough to provide anyone concerned by this 'incident' the following clarification (again, copied VERBATIM):

ONLY IN WEHO PART 2


Tweet from Weho Daily(@WehoDaily):
"cake wearing transient isn't bothering anyone, just laying on the grass.... covered in chocolate cake"
November 4, 2010 5:32:03 PM 
from TweetDeck
See More: http://twitter.com/WehoDaily/status/344556084133888
And so continues my love/hate relationship with living in West Hollywood...

I REGRET NOTHING

I regret nothing. There have been things I missed, but I ask no questions, because I have loved it, such as it has been, even the moments of emptiness, even the unanswered—and that I loved it, that is the unanswered in my life.

- The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

"NEW" Status ;)

Kindness = No Regrets

You may be sorry that you spoke, sorry you stayed or went, sorry you won or lost, sorry so much was spent.
But as you go through life, you’ll find – you’re never sorry you were kind.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

International Medical Corps - Cholera Outbreak in Haiti

International Medical Corps - Cholera Outbreak in Haiti
Enhanced by Zemanta

The best relationship is one which your love for each other exceeds your need for one another. -Dalai Lama

Saturday, October 23, 2010

45 LIFE LESSONS YOU'LL NEVER LEARN IN SCHOOL







1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.




4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.



7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12.. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.



15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.



21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.



29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.



36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.




39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.



42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.




BASED ON Editorial: 45 life lessons you'll never learn in school




Thursday, October 21, 2010

Too Often...

Fate controls who walks into your life. You decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Unknown (via kari-shma)
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give, which is everything. ~Katharine Hepburn

WASTED YOUTH


WASTED YOUTH
mackphibbs:
I really need one of these shirts. 
Some often repent, yet never reform; they resemble a man traveling in a dangerous path, who frequently starts and stops, but never turns back.” -Bonnell Thornton

Je t'aime


Je t’aime <3
imagequotes:
( via ayuliyana )

QUOTE

Some often repent, yet never reform; they resemble a man traveling in a dangerous path, who frequently starts and stops, but never turns back.” -Bonnell Thornton

WASTED YOUTH
mackphibbs:
I really need one of these shirts. 

Ignore Your Critics

Pay no attention to what the critics say… Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!
Jean Sibelius (via livejamie)
I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed.
Sarah Dessen (via kari-shma)

Bob Marley Quote

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.
Bob Marley (via meet-me-at-barneys)
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.
Bob Marley (via meet-me-at-barneys)

Chanel... Love!!

Pay no attention to what the critics say… Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!
Jean Sibelius (via livejamie)

Take into account that great love & great achievements involve great risk.
~ Dalai Lama

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

LOVE IS LOUDER

LOVE IS LOUDER

http://problems-for-roses-.tumblr.com/post/1362013423

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Judge overturns California's ban on same-sex marriage

IT IS ABOUT TIME...  Au Revoir PROP 8!!!

While this is a news story that certainly merits national attention, I must say that, living in West Hollywood these last years, I see this as much more than a Judicial step in the right direction...  When this right was taken away by conservative voters on election day, the celebration and optimism generated from the progressive change-the realization of the breaking of one proverbial glass ceiling-in the election of Barack Obama was tainted for those in living West Hollywood, as we watched another such ceiling, seemingly broken, replaced by an iron cellar door and bolted shut.  It was a day that Dickens should have lived to see for it was truly "the best of times, it was the worst of times"...  

I recall, vividly, last summer, having one of many arguments with my father about the rights and wrongs of the world.  On this day, I remember growing angry with my father because he was, as usual, full of criticism yet there were no actions other than ranting at me being taken on his part to correct the cited injustices.  I argued that, while I agreed with his sentiments, he had no right to criticize the actions of others when he refused to take any, himself.  "What would you have me do about it?  Write letters?  One person will not make a difference.  I'm not dumb enough to waste my time..." my father argued.  I rolled my eyes and told him that his cynicism/old age were guaranteed not to help anything.  He informed me of how naive I was to think there was anything that I could do or he could do.  His evidence was what makes that day stand out in my mind: "People do not care.  There will be no change because people will not fight.  Nobody cares!"  For a moment, I sat, stunned.  Then, I grew angry.  Why?  Because my mind went immediately to the marches and protests and rallies that were taking place consistently in Hollywood and West Hollywood.  I had participated in some and, when you live in that area and Hollywood Boulevard is closed for a protest, whether you want to participate or not, YOU DO.  You sit in traffic, or, if you can, avoid driving.  While the people of Los Angeles are no strangers to traffic, they (we) are also not fans...  This was the ONE cause of horrific traffic that I can think of that NO ONE complained about.  There was an injustice being done and people were trying to correct it so, if it caused some extra traffic and inconvenience, so be it.  Doing what is right is rarely convenient.  Yet the people in the community did just that:  fought tirelessly, with no end in sight, against what we knew to be wrong and yet it seemed it would never change.  Another thing I must mention is that these protests/rallies/whatever you want to call them were massive.  West Hollywood IS a city with a large gay community.  However, these demonstrations were much bigger.  People from all walks of life, races, social circles AND sexual orientations joined together and, by doing so, repeatedly said 'WE WANT THE JUSTICE FOR ALL THAT IS PROMISED TO US BY THIS GREAT COUNTRY AND, UNTIL JUSTICE IS DONE, WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN.  WE STAND TOGETHER TO SAY THAT WRONG IS WRONG, NO MATTER WHO IS IMPACTED.'  You see, we had a choice to make:  either stand by and, in doing so, silently support the injustice being done OR take a stand for what we believe is right.

The monumental decision handed down today is one that I am certain was rendered based on numerous variables, weighing significantly more than those protests held in Hollywood.  Nevertheless, as I read this story, I could not help but think of my father and, with a smile on my face, I found myself say out loud, "You are wrong, Dad.  People DO care."  And I can't help but think, or hope, that, in SOME way, it DOES make a difference.  

To everyone, everywhere, who has fought what seemed to be a losing battle, this victory is shared with you.   

JUDGE OVERTURNS CALIFORNIA'S BAN ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE (via cnn.com)

(CNN) -- A federal judge in California on Wednesday struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage, ruling that voter-approved Proposition 8 violates the U.S. Constitution -- handing supporters of gay rights a major victory in a case that both sides say is sure to wind up before the U.S. Supreme Court.

The 136-page opinion, issued by Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker in San Francisco, is an initial step in what will likely be a lengthy fight over California's Proposition 8, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

At stake in the trial was whether California's ban on same-sex marriage violates gay couples' rights to equal protection and due process, as protected by the U.S. Constitution.

The high-profile case is being watched closely by both supporters and opponents of same-sex marriage, as many say it is destined to make its way to the U.S. Supreme Court. If it does, the case could result in a landmark decision on whether people in the United States are allowed to marry people of the same sex.

Video: 'Today we eliminate discrimination'
Video: 'This is just the first document'
Video: Same-sex marriage ban overturned

Same-sex marriage is currently legal in five U.S. states and in the District of Columbia, while civil unions are permitted in New Jersey. The five states are Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa and New Hampshire.

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples," Walker, who was appointed to the federal bench by former President Ronald Reagan, wrote in his opinion.

"Race restrictions on marital partners were once common in most states but are now seen as archaic, shameful or even bizarre," he added. "Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals."

In a separate order, Walker also granted supporters of Proposition 8 a temporary stay, which stops his decision from taking immediate effect. They had argued, prior to his ruling, that same-sex marriages would be performed soon after his decision and could be complicated by rulings and appeals farther down the legal road.

LINKS
PDFRuling on Proposition 8 

Reaction to the ruling 

iReport.comYour reaction

Walker gave both sides in the case until Friday to submit their responses to the order.

Elated supporters of same-sex marriage gathered to celebrate the judge's opinion in the Castro district of San Francisco. After speeches and songs, they began a march to city hall. People waved rainbow flags and U.S. flags, and carried signs that read, "We all deserve the freedom to marry," and "Separate is Unequal." Similar rallies unfolded in cities across California -- including Los Angeles and San Diego.

"For our entire lives, our government and the law have treated us as unequal. This decision to ensure that our constitutional rights are as protected as everyone else's makes us incredibly proud of our country," said Kristin Perry, a plaintiff.

Perry and Sandy Stier, along with Jeffrey Zarrillo and Paul Katami, are the two couples at the heart of the case, which if appealed would go next to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals before possibly heading to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Opponents of same-sex marriage have said their best bet lies with higher courts and vowed to appeal the federal judge's ruling.

In a national survey, conducted by Gallup in May, 53 percent of respondents said same-sex marriages should not be recognized by law, while 44 percent said they should.

Proposition 8 is part of a long line of seesaw rulings, court cases, debates and protests over the controversial issue of same-sex marriage. It passed in California with some 52 percent of the vote in November 2008.

"Big surprise! We expected nothing different from Judge Vaughn Walker, after the biased way he conducted this trial," said Brian Brown, president of the National Organization for Marriage. "With a stroke of his pen, Judge Walker has overruled the votes and values of 7 million Californians who voted for marriage as one man and one woman."

IT IS ABOUT TIME... Au Revoir PROP 8!!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

And now we interrupt this program... FOR A SERIOUS MOMENT


The Pan-Massachusetts Challenge 2010
Seriously???  


YES.


I'll be the first to say that the times when I am serious about something (other than business...) on this blog AND in my "REAL LIFE" are definitely few and far between.  However, this is one of those times to please take a moment to read this and help if you can...


One of my friends from home, Chris, is going to be riding 163 miles in the Pan Mass Challenge to benefit cancer research.  
PMC this weekend- closing in on goalImage by doughaslam via Flickr


Let me say that again: ONE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILES.  


In my opinion, THAT definitely qualifies as SERIOUS.  Through my job and general interest in charity and "giving back", I am frequently approached for help and, if I can, I give my time or money (usually people ask for one of the two) but ONE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILES???  I'm still trying to wrap my head around that.  Christopher, on the other hand, is DOING it.  It is hard to comprehend the dedication and preparation on the part of someone participating in this event.  


Truth be told, when I first read his email, I thought there was a typo...  "163 miles???  No way...".  So I clicked on the link he sent and, sure enough, he is doing all of this for a cause he is "seriously" dedicated to.  He is doing all of the work.  He is just asking for people to give him a little support.  While I am moved by all of the charities I am involved with, Chris's request stands out in my mind, probably because he is not asking for money for a charity, he is asking for support so that HE can ride 163 miles to earn money for cancer research.  Now, I am asking you all to support him as well.  I'm including links to his Facebook group, his rider profile on the PMC site and some info below about the PMC, along with a message from Chris.  


People, SERIOUSLY, this is an easy one...  Support him in any way you can and help him be a shining example of what one person can do to help fight cancer.

Christopher's Facebook group: click here

Christopher's profile page: click here

Also, check out the site for the PMC 2010 HERE

Just in case, here is the basic info promised below.  Now there is no excuse.  Do something.  


Please...


Thank you =)




Christopher's message: 
 "I am riding 163 Miles in the Pan Mass Challenge for cancer research. 100% of donations go to support the Jimmy Fund and to date, the PMC has raised $270 million that has been used to improve the lives of those suffering with cancer. It is the largest single contributor to the Jimmy Fund, bringing in nearly 50 percent of its annual revenue. Please support me in this challenge and donate to a great cause!
http://www.pmc.org/profile/CS0240
Thank you in advance for your support. It means a lot to me. 
Chris"


Basic information on the Pan-Massachusetts Challenge:
The Pan-Massachusetts Challenge, presented by the Boston Red Sox Foundation and Overstock.com, is the nation’s original fundraising bike-a-thon and today raises more money than any other athletic fundraising event in the country. The PMC is a model of fundraising efficiency. Since 2007, the PMC has donated 100% of every rider-raised dollar directly to cancer research and treatment at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute through its Jimmy Fund. The PMC is so well-known in cycling and fundraising circles that each year people travel from around the world to participate. The camaraderie shared by riders, volunteers, and supporters is among the PMC's greatest attributes. Doctors at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute join their patients as teammates, riding for a unified goal. Over 200 PMC riders are cancer survivors. Thousands of riders and volunteers have lost loved ones to the disease. Still more ride in honor of those in treatment. 

The PMC has contributed $270 million to lifesaving cancer research and treatment at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute since its 1980 inception. For more facts and figures, click the link to our PMC Fact Sheet.



Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

How to Smuggle... alcohol???

Yes, alcohol.


One thing people most people don't know about me is my addiction to finding random products online.  Some of these have turned into lucrative business ideas.  Most of them are purely entertaining.  Either way, on top my addiction to reading tech blogs, I subscribe to TOO MANY sites that fill my need for consumer product knowledge:  the good, the bad, and the totally insane.  


Today, as I began my morning sorting through new info in my various RSS feeds, I came across this GEM of a product:


SIPPIN' SEAT FLASK


As I searched for the site of the manufacturer of this product, I came across THIS site, or, specifically, this post:

Top Products For Smuggling Alcohol Into Venues You’re Not Supposed To


(Just click on the link above...  I PROMISE you won't be disappointed...)


         
Now, I am nostalgic for the days when I was stuck smuggling tiny bottles of vodka into 'Canes games in my VERY HANDY Prada satchel...  That thing might as well have had a false bottom because it's compartments were plentiful and confusing enough to stump event security every time.  On that note, I encourage you to use the innovate products that have resulted from a clear demand in this market but just KNOW that these are the EASY WAY OUT...  or in...  I had to do things the hard way  ;)






P.S.  See the  product below (and included link to purchase)  to the right for disguising your public drinking...  I know SEVERAL of my college friends who could have saved themselves from unfortunate encounters with the ATF and local police while drinking in the good old student section...



  

Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My Key to Procrastination: Pointless Entertainment ;)

... and, preferably this pointless entertainment will include someone who is wasting more time than I am...

--->  Enter the guy in this video!!!  Give it a minute and you'll see some VERY impressive beer pong skills that he must have wasted an enormous amount of time perfecting...

ENJOY!!


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

21 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR LIFE

21 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR LIFE (via Girls Guide To )
















ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't Have much
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only Way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile And ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; And Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your Voice


TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.



Thursday, April 8, 2010

You think YOUR Ex is crazy?





Frighteningly Funny!!!


I'm guessing that, at some point, you have dated someone and, by the time it was over, all you could think is "(Name) is PSYCHO!!!".  I know that I have.  In fact, I tend to attract more of them than most people.  Recently, I have been much better at spotting them and have, much better luck in love but I still consider myself to be an expert the ex-boyfriends that fall into either the "psycho" or "Has SERIOUS issues" (basically, the tortured bad boys). This wealth of experience was the basis for which I USED to feel pretty confident when someone would say "My ex is psycho" and I would respond "I promise, I've had worse"...   That is until I read this...








This is possibly the most hilarious email exchange I have ever read. 
For all of the women who feel that they have ever acted "a little crazy" after a break-up, this should make you feel MUCH better!!!






*** THESE EMAILS ARE REAL... SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO RESPECT THE PRIVACY OF THOSE INVOLVED*** (Who could make this sh*t up anyways???)


BODY OF EMAIL:


Friends, Some of you remember my ex-girlfriend Sarah. I recently received a letter from her. I would appreciate it if you would take the time to read it and review my response. I hope all of you are well.


May 23, 2005


Dear Davey:

I have had a difficult time, over the past few years, achieving closure of our relationship. It is time for me to seek this. I have gone through the appropriate stages of anger, remorse, sadness. It is now time for me to close this chapter of my life.
1. I've heard you have an apartment on the West side. You need to move out of the West side of Indianapolis, this has always been my side of town, I own a house here, and do not rent likeyou. I grew up here, and always want to live here. I would prefer if you were to leave Indianapolis all together, but I know this is more than I can ask.I do not want to risk running into you at any store. 

2. We should officially divide our friends. Particularly Jim, Jillian, Amy, and Ed. You should write them, thanking them for the opportunity to be their friend and explain why you can no longer be in contact with them. I can provide you with addresses, if you need.
3. I will stay out of Republican politics. I promise not to get involved with any Republican politics, unless my father runs for judge, and than I reserve the right to work on his campaign.
4. I would like you to not have anything to do with all things Cathedral. I feel I should have ownership of the school since my mother works there and my brother and sisters went there. You are more tied to Wabash. This should be where you dedicate your alumni status. I will be involved in Cathedral. When the time of reunions comes up, I am willing to say that you can have the reunions ending in "0" years and I will take the"5" years. So you can have 10 years and I will take 25 years.
5. I will avoid Wabash contacts. The few guys from the house I still speak to on a rare basis, I will not. I will also discourage any male offspring I have from attending Wabash. I know some of these things seem a bit harsh, but I feel they are for the best. I do not ever really wish to see you again. I know that this will of course happen beyond my control, but I think we should do our best to avoid what we can. It is my sincere hope that you understand, and do take the time to respond. This is my last request of you.

With fondness,


Sarah








May 31, 2005
Dear Sarah,
Thanks for your letter. We broke up 3 years ago. Knowing that and taking into consideration you believe me to be a cold, career focused, ego-maniac, what on earth makes you think I would take the time to think about you or agree to your proposal? But since I clearly have taken the time to respond, please take a moment to review some comments and counterproposals I have crafted: 1. First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU. After that deep desire subsides, I will vacate the Westside and return to my roots: The Snooty Northside, as you used to call it. However, since I was born on the Northside and I have Northside in my veins you must abdicate all ties to the North. This includes: Living on the Northside, living on the Northeastside, walking down North Street, being a fan of the Dallas Stars (formerly the Minnesota North Stars), wearing North Face apparel or telling your children that Santa lives at the North Pole.
1 (B). I was born in Indianapolis before you were so I should really get to determine who stays and who goes. In my benevolence I will let you exist here only within the St. Michael's Parish boundary (MLK Dr. to High School Rd. and 56th Street to 10th St.) We will call this the SarahZone. This
should be acceptable for you as your family lives across the street and there is a gas station, grocery, convenience store, your place of employment and a fire station. Exceptions can be made with my expressed written consent. You will be required to display a large tag in your windshield giving you permission to travel beyond the SarahZone.
2. I haven't talked to your friends since we broke up. I think they got the message. However since we apparently are still in fourth grade, please have your friends meet me by the playground at recess so that I can tell them they have big fat heads and they aren't my friends anymore.

Do you agree? _______Yes ________No________Maybe

2 (B). One of the few times you let us do something fun, we visited some of my family friends on Geist. It was about eight years ago. We enjoyed their boat and home for several hours during a pre-500 party. Please jot them a note saying you are going to forget that ever happened. Please also offer to reimburse them for the boat gas, pool chlorine, air conditioning Freon, Dr. Pepper and anything else you consumed while you were there. I don't have their address anymore, you can look it up.
3. Please let me know when your father runs for anything.
I'm going to run against him.
3 (B). Thanks for staying out of Republican politics. Your heavyweight presence in the party will be sorely missed. I am very involved in ice hockey. I play recreationally and coach a youth team in the winter. I would prefer it if you could stop being involved in all things related to ice and ice hockey . You can use those instant first aid coldpaks to cool your drinks from now on. Also, my parents have been very involved with the Indianapolis 500 Festival for nearly 20 years. The month of May is really a big month for us. While I am not able to honor your request of moving out of Indianapolis, I would ask that you just leave town during May. With 250,000 fans going to the race and 35,000 runners in the Mini-Marathon, I don't want to run the risk of bumping into you. I know your birthday is in May, but man, I just don't care.
4. Christ, I don't have the energy for this one.
5. If any of my friends from Wabash actually still talk to you, they are fucking fired as friends.
5 (B). I'm not going to tell my kids anything about you. But speaking of kids, it would be okay with me if my son was a crack addict, just as long as he got your kids hooked on it and became their dealer.
In closing, I will never make decisions about my life or my family based on whether I might run into you at the store. I am now convinced that if we ever do bump into each other, you will spontaneously combust. I wish you the best of luck find a spouse.
Seriously. It won't be easy to find a person who is willing to
spend the rest of his life raising children and making decisions based on your crazy-ass proposal to an ex-boyfriend and your inability to act like a rational human being.

All my best,

Davey